i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
