Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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