Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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