YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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