i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
