Kiss
Puke
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize