theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
