I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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