you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
These tits shall not be calmed
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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