Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
