Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
