I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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