I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
