so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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