just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
