The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
