Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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