someone threw a dead crab at me
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
