One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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