you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
