she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize