Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
