i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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