So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
