I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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