so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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