OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
