My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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