just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
