Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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