I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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