Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize