Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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