So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
