let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
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