can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
