you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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