Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
