it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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