I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Are my feet made of real feet?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
