You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
