He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
