if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize