Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
