another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
