Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
