If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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