Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
