i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
