Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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