I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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