Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
