I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
