i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
