why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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