Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
