OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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