So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
