My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize