Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
