gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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