dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize